Confessions of a Drama Mama

I was washing my face when I heard the knock on the door. Someone was there saying "hello, anyone home?". So I thought ok, maybe postman. So I washed up, put on a bra, and opened the door. There was no one there (no, this is not a ghost story) but there was a little pamphlet on my gate. Apparently the Shalom Baptist Church is cordially inviting me to join its church.

There is a little form to fill on the back of the booklet and there are 2 boxes to tick. One says "I have received the Lord Jesus through this tract and desire to know more about Christianity" and the other says "I am not a Christian but I would like to have free literature to know more about Christianity".

I am deeply disturbed. When I was 14, I was stopped by a lady at Parkway Parade. She talked to me for a few minutes and then she said "By the name of Jesus, I now baptise you". I was with Dawn Ow and I remember her saying "cannot anyhow baptise people like that one". Now it seems we can ‘receive the Lord Jesus’ through a pamphlet. Talk about evolution. What next, through sms? Setting up a booth at a CDC recruitment campaign?

I know that I am in no position to preach (pun intended!) about religion but come on. Religion is something people hold close to their hearts. People die in religious wars because they belive their god is more superior than another, or that theirs is the only one true god. That’s how seriously people take religion on the other extreme. And here I get a pamphlet like this. From people who go door to door to promote their religion. And on a regular basis too! It’s not the first time I receive this.

Perhaps they don’t understand that by the simple act of putting a pamphlet in a person’s gate, they are possibly influencing the type of funeral this person will have later in his life.

And they’re persistent too. I was caught once when they attacked me when I got home. I said no thank you, I’m not interested. They just kept bugging. I said no thank you, I’m Catholic. That didn’t stop them. Oh just come and attend one session, they said. I don’t remember how I finally got rid of them but I remember feeling very disturbed about it all.

Why do they have to do this? Why do they have to tell others what to
believe? Why do they have to say their god is better than another? Who
gave them the power to do so? What good is there for them if someone
joins their church? Do they get bonus points to enter heaven?

I really don’t understand. And for those of you who do this, please don’t ever do this to me if you’re my friend ok? I have no intention of changing my religion

I don’t believe I know of any other company that has such fiercely loyal staff. I mean yeah, we complain occasionally but that’s only cos we’re human. But we are very quick to defend our beloved company whenever we come into contact with questions like "IKEA cheap la but lousy quality leh". Oh, the things I could say to some people but as long as I’m working here, I’ll hold my tongue.

Where else would you find so ultra many people who have worked here for more than 20 years? Other than SPH. Last time when I worked for INXXXXXXXXX, the criteria for long service award is 2.5 years. Ultimate joke, I tell you. At IKEA’s D&D, 5 year award you see a significant number of people, 10 years still very significant but 15 and 20 years still going on strong ok.

Got people here keep every single year’s catalogue ok? Since 1978 ok. Where else can find people like that? You think Popular bookshop staff got keep all their newsletters or not?

Why do people like it so much here? It can’t be the money. Not for me at least. You think I’m being paid alot ah? Please.

The freebies? What freebies. We get 15% staff discount (People say ‘wah, so cheapskate ah?’, and I can answer without batting an eyelid ‘things already so cheap, how much more discount can the company give?’ See what I mean when I say we are quick to defend?). We get incentives (take that plus 12 months pay, plus 1 month bonus, I tell you the total is still less than my counterparts are getting as annual income la).

My department gets the occasional hamper, the occasional treat to a big meal, the occasional free ticket to movie/concert/performance. But that’s very common what. The trips to Sweden? Not everybody gets to go, you know. And I suspect those that have stayed so long may not have been at all.

But it must be something, or even a combination of things, that keeps people staying on and on. I’m in no rush to find out. Just enjoying the job. Much as I would like to stay forever, I know that some day I will have to type my resignation letter. And what a sad day it will be.

But for now, majullah IKEA!

I’m trying to book for 2 night’s stay in Stockholm. The website says that there’s something wrong with my credit card. So I try again. Maybe I had keyed in one of the ten million numbers wrongly. Nope. Doesn’t work. Something wrong with the card. So I try another card. Then I try Max’s. If all don’t work, it must mean that there is something bloody wrong with the website right? So I write to them. They say please check with your bank. So fine. I’m here, calling the bank and holding on the line. Occasionally the fako cheerful voice will tell me that my call is important bla bla. Credit cards companies should so not be allowed to lie.

FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, PLEASE PRESS 3
For my convenience, please pick up the phone!

WE’RE SORRY, WE ARE CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING HIGH TRAFFIC
At 10.42pm? Who you bluffing? Out on supper break is it?

PLEASE HOLD, WE WILL ATTEND TO YOUR CALL SHORTLY
My neck already hurts from holding for so long

Max and I were thinking about our future. Suddenly we realised that we were not 20 anymore, and maybe we’ve dingdonged enough and it was time to get serious. So I made up a mental checklist of the things that were important in our lives:

Money? - can la.

Health? - not bad la.

Job? - got.

Like the job? - yes for Adora, ‘getting there’ for Max

Roof over head? - got.

Direction and purpose? - no got.

Baby? - no got and want to got.

Jialat. Not say I want to say but how la. Need to be superwoman at work, got housework to do at home, where got time to make baby la. But that’s the easy part. Make already who to take care of it la.

Here are the contestants, not in order of preference:

My ah bu?

I don’t think so. She no need to work ah? Besides she made it very clear to me when I was 11 I think that she would not want to take care of my kids. 11 was also the age that she gave me the sex talk. 11 was also the age for me when she had 2 other children, aged 4 and 5 respectively. So that may have played a part. But I’ve never forgotten that.

But I would really like for my parents to be able to help in a way. Not so much the actual taking care, but the traditions and stuff. Like muah gueh.

His ah bu?

Wait my kids turn out speaking like shishor shishor how? Wait they can only speak Frunch how? Then I got a damn big task to teach them how to speak Chinese and Hokkien and not say my Chinese and Hokkien sibeh powerful you know. Wait they grow up not knowing all the fabulous breakfast foods like chwee kweh and fish ball mee how? OK so his ah bu is out.

A maid?

I hao bu rong yi move out to live on my own for privacy, then now you tell me must learn to live with strangers again? Don’t want la… And Max says I will be very sad because I won’t be able to cook once a maid comes. No la. Just not comfortable with the idea. Cos I hear so many horror stories about how maid leave baby alone to go gai gai (the maid go gai gai, not the baby), or maid feed baby nonsense etc

A confinement lady?

Technically this is the bestest option. But that means must have our baby here cos I don’t think Canada will have confinement lady. And if we have our baby here, then we can only start trying at the end of the year. Cos end of Sept going to Sweden la. Then first trimester cannot take aeroplane la… You think I’m a selfish person don’t you? Just say it.

Then if IKEA Tampines opening soon then you think I want to be having my morning sickness that time meh? You think I will not be busy enough meh? Say it, just say it….

OK so if have baby here and if confinement lady can help then that will be next year this time la. But that means that Max will have to stay in his less than perfect job for that long, and he would have to put his studies on hold. I can’t do that to him…. He already make sacrifice to come here. Mmarriage is a partnership of give and take right? So maybe it’s time for me to give? Give up my life here perhaps? Give up the job that I love? No choice. I’d rather do that than be here alone without my husband. Go back and stay with my parents? Siao. And sleep in the kitchen?

I take care of the baby!

Not that I’m an expert but I really think got no other choice la. Confinement lady is best la. Then can eat all that yummy muah yew gueh. But if I give up my life here (see above point) to go live with Max in Canada while he takes up the Environmental Masters programme then I think confinement lady is out of the question la. And I also don’t want an angmoh matron or whatever they call it. It will be different some how la.

The only drawback is that if we have the baby in Canada, my parents won’t be able to see her. But hopefully with the money we save from hospital bills here (there is cheaper, and maybe even free if I can convert to PR), I can fly my parents over.

So I guess this is the only way. I ownself take care. So all my mummy friends… Julia, Alisa… must helpch me OK?

I bought a book once called “You only have 3 seconds”. I never read it but the back of the book explained that we only have that amount of time for someone to form an impression of you. Some of the calls I get kind of prove that point….

(Ring ring)
Hello, are you IKEA?

No I am not a blue and yellow building

——-

(Ring ring)

Adora: IKEA, Adora, good morning.

Is that Adora?

——-

(Ring ring)

(Conversation bla bla)

What your name ah?

Adora: Adora. I’ll spell it for you. A….d….o…r…..a

Adore?

Adora: No, Adora. A…. d….. o….. r….. a

How to spell ah?

——-

(Ring ring)

Adora: IKEA, Adora, good morning.

Roger ah? Roger, is that you?

——-

(As a message left on my voicemail)

Hello Adora please call me back?

(no name, no company, no phone number, no reason)

So we play guessing games now?

——-

Long bia….

A group of online friends and I share not only an interest in cooking, but more importantly, the lack of experience in the kitchen. We often share recipes online and applaud each other for cooking a meal. The latest topic is trying to match english names and hokkien words for the different kinds of fish.

We also tease each other about trips to the market or buying gong kuay oua (chicken bowls) at neighbourhood shops, and how these things are slowly transforming us into the new age aunties, a title we’re quick to shun.

Over the weekend while I was mopping the floor I wondered: Why are we so afraid of being classified as aunties, when 30 years ago, our mothers were probably doing the same chores but were proud to do them.

Were women less career oriented back then? Was the standard of living drastically different? Why did the ability to cook seem to be an inborn talent? Why was there less debate about when to have kids? Since when did preparing dinner become something worth clapping about?

I like my job and I’m told I’m not half bad at it. I wouldn’t call myself career oriented but I’m proud of what I do. I’m proud of the money I earn and the way I spend it. On the other side of the coin, I’m also proud of a clean floor, clean dishes drying on the dish dryer, of cooking a well balanced meal and keeping within budget during marketing trips.

Does my sense of fulfilment make me more auntie than women my age who don’t feel proud of themselves after cleaning their houses? Should I be called an auntie if I know that Comfort’s Relaxing Green softener smells good but is more expensive and doesn’t do as good a job as any NTUC softener? Do those who have maids, and therefore don’t have to clean their own homes and cook for their families, escape the stereotype of being auntie?

I think being ‘auntie’ should hardly be considered an insult. In fact, one should feel proud to be equipped with certain auntie attributes, as one would feel proud if equipped with the same skills in the office. For example:

Independance

Not depending on the husband to bring home the bacon

Multi tasking

Being able to hold a job and yet do the chores at home.

Time management

Planning for a dinner requires advance planning. You’d need to take the respective foods out to defrost the night before, or on the morning itself. Then you’d need to leave the office on time (which means you’d need to finish your work on time) to make it home on time to prepare the food and cook to eat on time

Budgetting

The market doesn’t accept NETS or credit cards unfortuanately. So if you leave the house with $50, you only have that $50 to spend at the market.

Financial Management

Knowing what brand of soap powder works better at a lower price enables one to cut down on expenditure on the next grocery shopping trip

Negotiating and Bargaining

Buying X amount of ikan bilis and tanghoon at the dried goods shop will enable one to get one free piece of ginger!

Proficiency in several languages

This usually includes the use of English at the work place, and several dialects at the market

If the above is what it takes to classify one as an auntie, then I am guilty as charged. And you know what? I’m damn proud of it too.