Confessions of a Drama Mama

Took half day today to run some errands (buy a book for the plane and go for massage). Signed up package for 15 swedish massages and 15 facials on impulse. The place was having a promo cos it’s their anniversary bla bla. But I feel ’smart’ for saving money can?

Then went to collect spectacles at Plaza Sing. Hope that FINALLY managed to get a ‘nice’ pair. 18 years of wearing glasses and they all made me look kuku.

Then saw a bag I liked at Robinsons but damn, it was $29.90. So I had to find something to make $50 so I could use my voucher. Bought bra and panties lor.

Then looked at the time. SXXT! Late to meet Max. So I walked damn fast from Plaza Sing to Lucky Plaza. Walking fast when you’re oily after a massage and your shoes are slipping off is not easy. And of course, to make it worse, all the indecisive slow walking people in the world decide to gather in front of me.

Finally met Max but was about 5 minutes late. Had dinner at the really cool cheapo sharksfin place at Lucky Plaza (the shop is called Rabbit something).

Then went to exchange our spoilt games at this nameless shop, also at Lucky Plaza. There’s a sign (very professionally written on vanguard sheet) that says ‘no refund, only can exchange within 3 days. Max went in and told the guys there (2 old men) that the discs didn’t work.

The ah peks ask how can don’t work? You never put in properly is it? OK la I let you exchange, go choose another game.

At this point in time my husband decides to change the game plan and says he wants a refund, and not exchange. Round 1: FIGHT! The ah peks insist it’s not possible to get a refund and they point to the sign. I quickly recover from the change of direction and support my husband by saying how pissed we are (I wanted to say pissed but how to say ‘pissed’ in Chinese or Hokkien, you tell me) because this is our third time coming back to change the spoilt discs (a good wife always supports her husband, right? And at this point I’m squeezing my husband’s arm tight in the hope that he doesn’t play me out and become all honest and say no la, first time only. Lucky he knows me by now *note to reader: he’s saboed me before. In Thailand. I say to the cheating tuk tuk driver the previous guy charged us 40baht for the same distance and my honest to goodness husband says ‘no la, it was 80 baht*)

Then one of the ah peks goes into the back room (with the two-way mirror) to smoke (o maybe to call his gang to get rid of these two troublemakers or something) while the other stays outside to fight with us and says things like ‘You’re asking for a refund? You mean I have to take the money out of my own pocket and give it to you? Have you ever done business before? How can I do such a thing?’ (I say if I had a business I wouldn’t shout at my customers. I get: "I’M NOT SHOUTING! WHO SHOUTED AT YOU?" So drama, I thought this kind of cheesy lines only existed in movies)

‘The discs work, you just don’t know how to set them up. I’ll send some men down to your house. If they can’t install the games, they’ll pay you $500. But if they can, you pay them $50, how about it?’.

How about WHAT? I can’t even think of an analogy that’s remotely comparable. So anyhow, we’re totally pissed but I realise that the husband I’ve been supporting has left my side! Hello, hello, a warrior cannot fight alone!! Basket, in 15 minutes I turned into a liar, told an old man very calmly to stop shouting at me and in the process, could have put myself in grave danger and risked being trailed as a target for rape/murder by a gang of chain smoking ah peks all for him and he walks away! Basket.

In the end, Mr $500 relents and says OK we can have our refund (maybe he realises that a two fellas talking loudly in his shop about how the stuff don’t work isn’t too good for business) but he has to wait until a customer buys something then he can open the cash register. Come on la. But we wait. And while I hoped the lone customer in the shop buys something, I was also wondering why he was still there. Maybe one of those that try to blend into the background and look out for police?

Anyhow. Ah pek #2 decides he’d just take the money out of his wallet and pay us. I wanted to get out pronto. Got to minimise the chance of them remembering our face. Just in case.

What happens after is not as exciting but also worth a mention. I try on a shirt at Far East Plaza. It had ruffles in front. I had to laugh in the fitting room because I felt like a clown. I tell the lady no la cannot, I look like a clown. And her smile faded immediately. What do you mean clown? It’s victorian design ok? O……K. I didn’t say IT looked like a clown, I said I did. Jeez….

Phew. Enough complaints for a day.

But bad behaviour is really everywhere!

You know, sometimes what you think is "normal" behaviour may not be normal to many abnormal people. Like the following:

The latecomers

You have an appointment at 2pm, and you rush back to your desk so that they can call you at your desk because you specifically tell them that your mobile number is your PERSONAL number and it’s for their use and not misuse, thank you very much…. and then…. at 2pm, you get a call (on your mobile) that says "Hello Adora (or whatever your name is. They won’t say "Hello Adora" to you, it’s just for example ok?), I’ve just finished surgery/cleaned up after my dog/stepped out of the hairsalon/managed to dig out my phone out of the bag because my nails have just dried from my manicure, and I think I’m going to be a tad (2 hours) bit late".

Ok the thing about being late is that you should call BEFORE the appointment time, not AT the appointment time, yes? It’s just plain courtesy. And just so you know, I skipped my surgery/cleaning up after my hamster (because I don’t have a dog)/doing my hair/nails for YOU so that I could meet YOU at 2pm.

Black face

Oh come on. The office does not need Bao Gong ok? Smiles use up less facial muscles than frowns so give the rest of us a break and stop flaunting that scowl. It ain’t pretty. But having said that, because of some unprofessional behaviour, I’ve decided I can be childish too. You don’t friend me, I don’t friend you. And I will ask all my friends not to friend you too. And I won’t give you my happening white rabbit sweets either. Whoa…. bring on the office politics, I say!

– To be continued –

Sick and tired. That’s what I am. Sick and tired of bad attitudes. I’m not just talking about bad service and the "all the size here alraedy" salesgirls, and formula 1 taxi drivers that make you vomit upon arrival (it’s happened to me), but bad attitude in general.

And because it (and a few people) has been bugging me for a while, I’m going to get it all off my 36DD chest (ok I’m exagerating. 36D only. No double, just D. Have to be honest).

"No, thank you" to "thank you"s

"Thank you". Two very simple words that we must have learnt after "mama" and "papa" (or "dada", depending on what you were taught), and "please". But the very words some people have difficulty remembering.

I get it all the time - writers calling to ask for some assistance. More like "please help me or I will miss my deadline and absolutely DIE!!!!". As it is, I’m already a very bad time planner, and everything on my plate is already a rush job. So not that I’m asking you to thank me for putting everything aside to help YOU meet your deadline (because bad time management is my fault, I admit), but a whisper of "thanks" would really not hurt, especially after I serve everything on a silver platter, would it?

Away from the journalistic world, there are the strangers/long-lost friends. The "hi Adora, I saw that you work at IKEA (what are the measurements of the BILLY bookcase?)/you had your wedding at an exciting venue (how did you book it and what are your comments?)/you married an ang moh (what kind of procedures do you need to go through?)" normal everyday fellow also can got bad attitude one ok.

My childhood nickname of "little miss helpful" has stuck with me through the years somewhat but don’t bl**dy take advantage of it. I spent MY time giving a comprehensive answer that I think will help them and guess what? Can they muster the strength to say a little whimper of thanks? Of course not.

"Got Discount or Not?"

Some people whom I’ve not met in years suddenly decide I’m their best friend the minute they find out where I’m working. I tell them nicely yes it’s nice to hear from you but discounts are only for staff and their immediate families. Let’s not go into that further but you can be assured such conversations end rather abruptly and I never hear from them again. Until I work for SIA or the Ritz Carlton, I think chances are, I never will.

And while we’re on this count, in case you were wondering, no I cannot get you discounts at IKEA. Because it’s a company rule and because I love my job and I want to keep it and I don’t just have this job to give away discounts. Thank you.

ExQUEUE me?

Queues. My mostest unfavouritest thing in the world. Other than snails. Max and I were buying luggage yesterday. There was a lady who was browsing at panties next to the cashier and soon as she saw us coming, she went into the queue. OK, never mind. Understandable behaviour in sunny Singapore. But to keep your foot in the queue while the rest of your body is stretched to the pantie mobile is not. Enough said.

"I don’t friend you"

I don’t know if this can be categorised under "bad attitude" or just plain childishness. On Thursday I offended a colleague (who HAS a bad attitude) with a curt remark (reacting to a bad case of bad attitude). To which I got a very unprofessional reply. And you would think that as mature professional working adults, the long weekend would have allowed us to cool off. This morning (it’s Monday today) she and her gang totally ignored me. Uh huh, good morning to you too.

"Har, why like that one?"

While we’re still hot about colleagues, no point stopping right? Recently I was tasked with buying pajamas for an event. I needed something like 50 pairs for a group of people of all shapes and sizes. The challenge was that I could only buy a specific design, and the shops (think pajama shops in neighbourhood estates) only sell a maximum of 5 because they buy a assortment of designs by the pack. So in order to get 50 of the same design, and to fit sizes S to XXL, and because not all the shops I went to carried this exclusive design, I went to something like 30+ shops over the weekend.

Just to make me feel better, I’d like to just list them out. I went to shops at the following area (would you like them in chronological order?)

- Holland Road

- Kreta Ayer market

- North Bridge Centre (behind Kwan Imm temple)

- Beauty World

- Bukit Timah Shopping Centre

- Tiong Bahru market

- Tanjong Pagar market

No joke when you’re carring sets of PJs walking around. Not glam definitely.

So like I was saying, no fun at all. So you can imagine the steam coming out of my ears when colleagues say "har, why like that one?", "I usually wear XS you know, why you give me M?". Next time, please think your words through before you open your mouth ok? Because it really took all my strength to control myself from slapping some people.

Which brings me to another case of bad attitude:

"I don’t want to sell to you"

"Don’t have, don’t have!" and "it’s all out there" I’ve heard. But "I don’t want to see to you" was a first for me. Seems I managed to piss the pajama sellers enough for them to say that.

But leading to that there’s also "You want 50? Yes of course I have!" and then they bring out 50.. of various designs. "Can la, can la, it’s the same". You’d think people would be compassionate when they hear it’s your boss who needs the same design. But no, they try to force you and convince you that what you don’t want is indeed… the very thing you want! Only that YOU didn’t know.

everything went fantastic!!! a few cock ups but nothing major. everything from the morning all the way to the dinner was great. my dad mentioned that the bridal car, and all the following cars have to honk all the way in (into the car park) when reaching the destination. it was so happening! some people heard the honking and waved at us. i really enjoyed it. felt like the queen of england waving from my carriage haha

it rained in the afternoon up till about 5pm. we hung chillis at the jetty and they looked so cute. special thanks to friends who prayed for no rain! somehow i knew the sky would clear, just for us

when my dad walked me down the aisle, i felt like i was in a movie setting. all my friends and family on both sides, smiling and waving. then during the solemnisation the microphone was damn lousy. the best part was the kiss of course. we practiced for that moment (come on, who didn’t?) but that kiss was so perfect. until the JP said ‘ok ok that’s enough!’

then as we walked back down the aisle, people took the chance to throw rice on us. we had so much rice in our hair! at the dinner at first it was like ‘walau so boring, how come my own wedding also so boring’. then i very sad.

then after we came back (after change of clothes), they told us the barrel of beer had finished. at 3rd course!!! and i thought ‘is this really how my own wedding is going to be??

when we went photo-taking at each table, my mother said ‘eh every table must yamseng leh’. i was like ‘walau…. really ah?’ but i’m very glad we did because THAT was when the fun started. the dinner was so noisy and rowdy and majority of people were very sporting. i never screamed so much in my life. we did 3 yamsengs at almost all the tables. it was loud but not horrible loud. i really felt like everyone was happy for us, and that’s why they toasted us. not cos they felt obligated to

and then my colleagues gave me a damn potent drink (yes i’m allergic but they didn’t care! it had really gross stuff like chillis and soy sauce!) that knocked me out after. i was wobbly all night after. i was saying bye and thanks to guests while leaning against the wall haha.

and the new husband spent all night taking care of his drunk bride. needless to say, there was no err activity that night. so we didn’t utilise the HAPPENING CEILING MIRRORS.

check out the photos *of the wedding, not the mirrors…*

http://geocities.com/adoranmax/

photo credits: JILLENE MY MEI MEI!!!! excellent excellent job

and i am now officially A DOLLAR RICHER!